Regretfully Yours: How to Gracefully Turn Down a Wedding Invitation.
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Although at times we might like to, we can’t be in two places at once, a problem which can lead to the unfortunate situation of having to decline a wedding invitation. Here’s how to do it gracefully.
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For starters, reply promptly. Invitations are typically mailed four to six weeks before the wedding date. Whatever date the reply card gives, it’s considerate to reply as fast as you know your plans, and to do it in writing. Exactly how to respond depends on the formality of the invitation.
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Today, most invitations include a printed response card with a stamped, self-addressed, printed envelope. Guests can simply fill out the card and stick it back in the mail.
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There are two types of reply cards. One is already partially filled out, and guests fill in their names and check off whether or not they will attend. The other is blank, and guests must write their own acceptance or regrets message on the card. In the case of regrets, it is proper to write only that you will be unable to attend, but one should also feel free to include a separate note to add a more personal explanation or a message of congratulations.
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In the case of an invitation that arrives without a printed R.S.V.P. card, the guest is expected to send a written response to the wedding host. If the invitation is formal (i.e. traditional and engraved), the response should be written on plain white or cream-colored notepaper in blue or black ink.
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For regrets, it is not necessary to give a reason, but again one can enclose a separate personal note to explain any previous engagement or to congratulate the couple. In a formal regret note, it is proper to repeat the date of the wedding, but not the time or place.
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Following is an example of a formal regret:
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Ms. Jamie Stone regrets that she is unable to accept the kind invitation of Mr. and Mrs. Harvey Benjamin for Saturday, the seventh of July.
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An informal regret might read:
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Dear Stephanie and Bob,
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Susie and I regret that we will be away on the fifteenth of June, as my sister will also be getting married that day. You know that this is probably the only event that would keep us from attending Lisa and John’s wedding, and we look forward to celebrating with them and you when they return from their honeymoon. Please give the happy couple our love and best wishes.
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Fondly,
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David
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