The Best Man For The Job: Everything You Need to Know About the Best Man
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During prehistoric times, marriage wasn’t a celebration - it was a crime. When a man found the right woman, he kidnapped her. To guarantee a successful abduction, the groom recruited a friend; someone he felt was the "best man" for the job. This friend would aid in the kidnapping and later, help hide the couple. Strong, supportive and reliable, the best man was someone the groom could depend on.
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Like the dinosaurs, "capture marriages" are thankfully extinct. But the notion of a "best man" has survived, becoming a marriage mainstay. While it’s no longer a criminal offense, the modern wedding process remains highly stressful. Whether it’s a brother, a former roommate, a female friend (these aren't the Dark Ages!) or even a son, the best man is the groom’s most trusted companion, one who can offer unconditional support before, during, and after the wedding day.
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If you’ve been chosen as the best man, or the best woman, you’ve obviously got what it takes. Etiquette books and wedding planners offer a daunting list of responsibilities, but your degree of involvement depends on the bride and the groom. The important thing is that you understand all the tasks at hand and offer assistance whenever necessary. They may not need you for every last detail, but they will appreciate the offer.
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The following guidelines should keep you in-the-know throughout the wedding process:
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Pre-Wedding
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Offer to perform/accompany groom on wedding errands.
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Help coordinate formalwear arrangements for ushers.
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Plan the bachelor party.
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Offer to confirm honeymoon and travel arrangements.
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Discuss wedding day payments (officiant, vendors). Offer to deliver groom’s payments since he may be too busy.
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Hold onto the rings until ceremony.
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Offer to transport gifts after wedding.
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Notify other male attendants of rehearsal date and time.
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Discuss decorating the getaway car with the bride and groom. Make sure they have no serious objections.
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Money Matters
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You will have to pay for your own wedding day attire.
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If the wedding is out-of-town, transportation and lodging are your responsibility.
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Purchase "groom’s gift," or organize a group gift from all the ushers.
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Wedding Day
Pre-Ceremony
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Stay with the groom, offering moral support.
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Secure your notes for the toast.
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Help the groom get dressed.
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Make sure groom has necessary paperwork for wedding and honeymoon (plane tickets, passport, traveler’s checks).
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Ensure that groom has payment for wedding vendors.
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Keep groom on-schedule.
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The Ceremony
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Accompany groom to the wedding location.
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Escort groom to his position.
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Hold bride’s ring until needed.
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Handle paying the officiant if the groom has asked you to do so.
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Post-Ceremony
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Organize wedding party for photos.
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Give first toast at reception.
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Handle paying the vendors if the groom has asked you to do so.
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Provide decorations for car and help decorate.
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Help newlyweds to the car.
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Ensure that gifts are safely loaded into appropriate car.
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Help newlyweds load luggage into car.
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Post-Wedding
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Offer to return groom’s formalwear.
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Make sure attendants return formalwear on time.
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