Your Vows, Your Way: Writing Your Own Vows
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More and more couples are deciding to put a personal stamp on their wedding vows - and with good reason. On a day that is all about personal touches, writing your vows can be the ultimate icing on the cake. Not a wordsmith? Don’t fret, getting creative at the altar need not be scary. It just takes some planning and an open dialogue with your partner. Consider these guidelines when adding to your “I do”.
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First Steps to the Altar
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The first step in creating vows is discussing what kind of wedding ceremony you envision. After all, the ceremony is about the two of you, your love, and your relationship.
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Sit down with your partner and talk about how much you want to be involved in the service.
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Make sure writing your own vows is something you both want to do. Expressing your inner feelings in public isn’t easy or comfortable for everyone.
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If you’ve been to a wedding together, discuss what you liked, or didn’t like, about the ceremony.
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Finding Inspiration
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Writing your own vows is much easier than you think, so don’t get unnecessarily overwhelmed. There are plenty of resources out there. To get started:
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Spend some time writing down your feelings and thoughts about each other, and your feelings about love and marriage.
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Visit your local bookstore or library and look at love poetry or romantic lines from great books or plays. Bring a pen and paper to write down special words, lines or thoughts - this will stimulate your imagination and writing.
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Reminisce about your relationship and talk about things you love about each other.
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Something Old for Something New
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Search the web for old traditions from your faith that may not be popularly used. See if there’s a way you can use those traditions as a way to develop your vows.
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Ask your officiant if they have any ideas for how you can personalize your ceremony - after all, they have a lot of experience.
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The Write Stuff
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Gather your materials and notes and start composing your vows. Remember not to edit yourself at first - just write. You can cut and refine later.
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Some good words to incorporate in your marriage vows include: love, honor, respect, cherish, promise, truth, union, commitment, support, grow, nurture…
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Sit down with your partner and compare notes, and be aware of how long it takes to say your vows.
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Try to create vows everyone at your wedding can relate to. Stay away from long, cutesy, and overly personal details. Your vows should be brief - yet have high impact.
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After you’ve written your vows, show them to your officiant to seek their advice, and if necessary their approval.
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Practice Makes Perfect
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Your wedding isn’t a time for “winging it.” Even the most seasoned public speakers practice what they’re going to say before a speaking event, and so should you.
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What looks great on paper sometimes feels awkward when speaking aloud. If you feel like you’re tripping on words, consider shortening your sentences.
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You can practice your vows together, or, if you’d prefer to surprise each other, practice them in front of a friend.
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Don’t memorize your vows - it’s an additional and unnecessary stress.
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Consider writing your vows on an index card and place them in the groom’s coat pocket. Give an additional copy to the officiant for safe-keeping before the ceremony.
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Carefully written vows will undoubtedly create a more intimate and personal ceremony that all your guests will appreciate. Enjoy the process. You just might discover that it’s the most romantic part of your marriage celebration.
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