Best Behavior: How to Be a Good Guest
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Believe it or not there is more to attending a wedding than just showing up. As the couple has worked on etiquette on how to treat you the guest, you yourself have some considerations to make yourself. Want to make a good impression on your hosts? Be a great guest. Here is a guide to basic rules of etiquette and gracious guest manners.
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Invitations
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Timely Response.
Respond to a wedding invitation in a timely manner. Usually invitations are sent out 6-8 weeks before the wedding. Decide whether you’re going to attend no later than two to three weeks before the wedding date; or prior to the rsvp date as indicated on the response card.
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How to Respond.
Many hosts include pre-printed response cards with a “will” or “will not” attend. Feel free to write a few words of thanks and congratulations in addition to your “X” or number of total guests attending or not attending in the check box. If the couple doesn’t include a response card with the invitation, reply by sending a note accepting or declining.
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Last Minute Cancellations.
If you must cancel at last minute, call the hosts immediately and let them know.
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Dates.
Don’t assume you can bring a guest to a wedding. Unless the person’s name was on the outer envelope OR “and Guest” is added with your name on the inner envelope, you’re the only one invited. Don’t ask if you can bring someone else along.
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Gift Giving
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Registries.
Couples sign up for registries to make gift-giving easier for their guests and to help them receive just what they want. Find out where the couple is registered by asking parents, sisters, or the couple.
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Mail Your Gifts.
Avoid bringing gifts to the ceremony or reception. By doing so the bride and groom will have to concern themselves with its safe-keeping and getting the gift home.
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Cash Gifts.
Before the wedding, make the check payable to either the bride (using her maiden name) OR the groom. After the wedding, make the check payable to the couple.
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If You're Not Attending.
Although you’re not obligated to send a gift, it’s still a nice gesture. If you don’t purchase a gift, send a note of congratulations.
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Thanks From the Couple.
Most couples send a thank you note within two weeks of receiving a gift. If you haven’t received a note one month or more after you’ve sent your gift, call the couple and make sure they indeed received it.
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What Not to Wear
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Don’t Wear White.
Female guests should avoid wearing white to a wedding. White, off-white or ivory is reserved for the bride only. It’s her day to shine.
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Say No to Flashy.
Overly dramatic attire or anything extremely sexy should be reserved for a night out on the town. Nothing should take away from the couple and what they’re wearing.
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Ceremony Etiquette
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Be On Time.
Arrive to the ceremony a half an hour before the scheduled time on the invitation. If you are late, seat yourself quietly in the back, AFTER the procession has gone down the aisle. If your lateness will be very noticeable, wait outside until the ceremony is finished, and then if there’s a receiving line, hop in at the appropriate time to give your congratulations.
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Religious Rituals.
Although no one is expected to participate in religious rituals, do follow the lead of family members as far as sitting and standing (kneeling is not necessary).
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Recession.
Wait until the bride, groom, and wedding party has been escorted out before you leave your seat.
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The Reception
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Receiving Line.
Don’t miss it. It’s a great time to offer your congratulations to the bride, groom, and family members. Try not to spend too much time in line - you don’t want to hold up other guests from getting their turn.
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Cocktail Hour.
Use this time to catch up with friends, mingle with people you don’t know, and find your table assignment.
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Dancing.
Guests usually follow the lead of the newlywed couple, who sometimes dance first. When the party gets started, feel free to dance your heart out and enjoy this special day with the happy couple.
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Toasts.
Even if a toast is going on and on, do your best not to talk or leave the room. Remember to applaud when the toast is over.
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Special Rituals.
Although a bouquet or garter toss may not be your favorite tradition, keep your feelings to yourself - you can do it differently at your wedding.
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Departure.
Receptions often last four to five hours. Stay until after the cake has been cut. Before you leave, thank at least one member of the bride or groom’s family (if they’re hosting the event) and offer your congratulations. If you can, try to get a hold of the bride and groom to give them a quick hug good-bye.
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Relationship Matters
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Ex-Spouses & the Like.
If you’re attending a wedding where an ex-spouse or an estranged friend will be attending, don’t share your anxiety with the bride or groom. If it’s necessary, ask to be seated at another table as far in advance as possible. The key is to take the high road and rise above it all.
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Family Issues.
A wedding is not the time to discuss family problems it is a time to celebrate the love of the couple. Save your talk for another time.
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With all of this information, you’re sure to be the perfect guest at every affair you attend!
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